life
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Up for parole
Today I have another exam with dr. K. To quote him directly, he said "unless I feel or see a head coming through your labia, I'm sending you home." We'll see what happens. I had a pretty active uterus yesterday, but at least I had my B.M. So that was one more notch on my digestive track. I started thinking about what are/were my top survival skills for surviving hospital bed rest. Not sure if it's a top 10, but here it goes:
Top survival skills for surviving hospital bed rest:
• Beg, Borrow, Steal an iPad 2 if you want to stay sane. I highly recommend watching Friday Night Lights on your iPad--76 episodes of pure, emotional entertainment. There's only so much time you can stare and wonder about the stains on the wall and you've had your fill of crap TV with their limited channels.
• Bring your own slippers, toiletries, blankets, pillows (at least 3 or 4, and a yoga bolster is great!), towels, large sweatshirt/snuggie (when is sf ever warm?), sunglasses and sunscreen (no one wants to leave the hospital with extra wrinkles). You will feel more human with your own things.
• If you are allowed to go outside, take advantage of the sunshine and fresh air (ergo the sunglasses and sunscreen) and GO!
• Ask your nurse about other antepartum patients and see if they are open to meeting outside, so that you have a support system at the hospital.
• Have a routine, or at least pretend to have one so that every day has a schedule and an objective. Once you're ready for visitors, make sure you schedule them and have them call you before they come by. Some days are good, some are not so good and you may prefer to nap or be alone. Also, you never know when an extra ultrasound/exam may be needed.
• If visitors ask you what they can bring, don't be shy and be specific (foods, magazines, etc). They will most likely not come empty-handed, so you're better off getting what you want, and you will be tired of the hospital food options sooner, rather than later. Once you're done with books/mags or if you have any extra food, it's always nice to share with your new antepartum friends, and they will be quick to reciprocate.
• Reduce all sources of stress whenever possible. This may mean establishing boundaries with family, asking nurses to help you with the most mundane tasks, requesting housekeeping/food service to come or call after a certain time. Splurging on in room massages, avoiding the news, etc. Whatever it takes.
• Use a pillowcase as a bib when you eat. If you're trying to stay as horizontal as possible, you will drip and dribble like a newborn. Note: the pillowcase and not a towel. You don't know where those hospital towels have been and they smell funny.
• Be your own healthcare advocate. I guarantee you your nurse will forget your meds, give you wrong meds, confuse you with another patient, speak out of turn, etc. You may be the perfect patient, but we are all human.
• No matter what, be polite and respectful to your healthcare providers, you never know when you may need their assistance with a suppository.
• Be very mindful of you body and nutritional intake. Your schedule will revolve around staying hydrated, emptying your bladder, avoiding constipation, sleeping, eating, and taking your meds. Remember, a shitty day is considered a success when you're pregnant, on bed rest and nifedipine, the trifecta for constipation.
And
• Have your best ultrasound picture visible to you at all times. A constant visual reminder of the goal at the end of this journey is helpful and comforting.
Oh, and I got released on parole today, AND another B.M. What a successful day. Musubi, we're coming home.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Last shot
I just had my last p-17 shot this morning, and I finally had my bowel movement too, the true definition of success. I had more episodes of contractions this morning which led to me going to the restroom every hour and an extra dose of meds at 5 this morning. The bodily functions seem to intensify with each and every day. Last night nurse lianne came down to say hi and she told us about women who were in comas that go on to have successful deliveries. The uterus is a wondrous muscle. I can't pretend to understand mine. We have done our best to saturate it with drugs and hormones for almost 20 weeks now.
FYI- people who claim that being on bed rest at home is the same as hospital bed rest have constipated frontal lobes. It is so NOT the same.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Another day, another week
Baby has hiccups at least a few times a day, and I hope that baby weighs more than 5 lbs today. I had a lot of visitors on sat, with mom, belin, ian and the girls coming by to visit. Seeing their pictures from Maui has inspired us to plan another trip to Hawaii sooner, rather than later. I had a flurry of contractions on Sunday and that was scary. Brian had gone home to take things down from the attic and to audit what we have so far for baby and I called him to come back up. I had maddy as my nurse that day and she's one of my least favorite nurses. She was making comments like " I can't find dr. Main right now," or " these contractions are probably causing changes to your cervix.. " She is not qualified to make such commentary. Fortunately the additional meds helped.
Z&S came by and made me waffles on Sunday. I have been craving waffles for the past few days and brian got them to bring up the ingredients and their waffle maker. They are leaving tonight and we will miss them a ton.
34w6d
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Ultrasound
Baby is 4 lbs 12 oz. Today. Cervix is 1.3 cm. It seems to shorten by .2 every two weeks. I need it to keep that pace to buy me another 6 weeks, and for baby to gain another 3ish pounds. Like dr.k says, this baby is not going to fall out, it's going to be a "to do." As patient as I am (note the pun), it bothered me and took some restraint on my part to not give my unsolicited feedback on how the ultrasound tech was doing our baby's measurements. No wonder the error rate is plus/minus 2 weeks. It was rather inconsistent, whether she measured in the middle of the line, or to the edge of the line.
And the nurse yesterday forgot to give me my meds at 2pm. I had to page her when I woke up yesterday. She forgot c's medication too, and I had to call her when we were outside. C was much more forgiving. Yes, our nurse felt bad, but in my opinion, she should. It then pushed out my schedule and I had to recalibrate my meds the rest of the day. I need to save my empathy for baby. The book Brain Rules for Baby is a fascinating read. Brian must read it too. I realized yesterday that I'm a high responsive type, which also implies that I was a fussy baby. Not sure how much has changed, and research shows that temperament doesn't really change. I must pretty adept at regulating my behaviors and emotional responses. Having a baby is such a social experiment. Please nature, please universe, give us a break...
Well the verdict is out on if I get out on parole or not. Dr. K will do my cervical exam tomorrow, and this trumps my ultrasound results. We started packing up the room a bit yesterday, in preparation for my release. I'm so glad Brian took yesterday off. If anything, he needs a good night's sleep in our bed. He started to get a twitch in his eye recently...not good. The brace for my right arm is back on today. I hope I don't have to brace myself for any other surprises for the duration of this pregnancy.
Monday, July 18, 2011
The light
My next ultrasound and cervical check is this wed. Based on the outcomes, I may be released to go home later this week. If not this week, then in 2 weeks, pending no surprise .... I think I'm ready to go home. I've run out of wax toilet paper covers, my nails are gangsta, the urge to sleep and start nesting in our house is getting stronger and the routine I've established here is getting old. L's baby was born, one of b's twins is going home and a's baby has about a week before her daughter and she go home. C and I are the only ones left and I hope she and her twins hang in there. I remember feeling a little sad and wistful that all the ladies were so ahead of me and moving on, out of the hospital and then going on to have stable, healthy babies. I hope this trend continues.
I was fortunate to have more visitors come through. T & n, z, and d & d came by again. Baby has such nice aunties and uncles. I didn't really want/schedule any visitors for Sunday, because I didn't have my bowel movement on sat. I had prunes, fiber 1 bars, apricots, prune juice, milk of magnesia and a suppository. NOTHING. I stayed up until 3:30am, waiting for magic to happen. The next morning I had raspberries, oatmeal, another fiber 1 bar, and a shot of coffee. Fnally, SUCCESS. Everything still revolves around my bodily functions.
It was a big retail weekend for baby this weekend. Baby got a stroller, uppababy accessories, the puj tub and the little moby whale. This week I'll be making a significant purchase on diapers.com. I'm looking forward to seeing what musubi's room will look like. Brian went on a tour of the labor and delivery floor and saw the nursery with all the little well babies. I think it brought a lot of memories of musubi and the nicu we were in last year. We miss musubi so much.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Mental stamina
It's definitely waning and little things are really starting to get on my nerves. In no particular order...
- wearing both braces for carpel tunnel
- constipation and increased irritability with my uterus
- the hair tumbleweed that's still in the corner of the bathroom
- the shower and toilet that haven't been cleaned since I got here
- wax paper toilet seat covers that fall in the toilet before I get a chance to sit down
- the cold foggy weather that makes it difficult to go outside
- overheating in bed
- the soreness in my hips and hairy legs
- the toiletries that fall in the shower
- the small wet towels that housekeeping leaves in the shower
- the clogged sink that takes 5 min to drain
- my gown knocking over my contact case, my cleanser, or contact solution into the sink
- the lulu lemon bag on the verge of tipping over on the bathroom counter
- the trash from replacing the paper or my pills that the nurses leave on the floor when they miss the trash can
- the spotty Internet connection
- the bed that sinks when I try to get it at a 15 degree angle to eat
- the incessant calls from food service when I haven't ordered my food
- the entire FSA process
- Kim from Nordstrom screwing up my order
- bmw dealer leading me on with lane change assist and not blind spot activation
- the loud squeak from the top drawer
- my gray hairs
- the crepe paper brown skin on my feet
- Becky from FNLs
But I'm still pregnant at 33 weeks so that's what's important. I better figure out what I want for lunch before the frantic ringing begins.
Friday, July 08, 2011
Our baby
Yesterday dr. Katz refered to baby as our baby. I thought that was nice, and took it as a sign of how vested he is in this pregnancy. I had another round of tests on tuesday. My cervix measured 1.7 cm, was a little bit softer, as anticipated by d. K, and I had another positive ffn test. Unfortunately they didn't do any baby measurements and there no pictures to be had. We'll have to wait until he/she decides to cooperate.
I did celebrate 32 weeks by buying a few things for baby and me at nordy's and I finally ordered my not rational bag. My registry is at 67 items and counting....I still need to work out my uppababy plan. TBC.
Dr. Sculley came by...after she was done consoling me, she mentioned that dr. K is going to be on vacation the last 2 weeks in august. WHAT? He did not clear this by me.
Musubi's 15th month birthday
Happy birthday musubes. I was so sad when I read the HAND pamphlet that brian brought up. It hit me harder than I had anticipated since I've recently befriended 2 more women here who are here because they had ppromed. It saddens me that I couldn't have been in their place a year ago. I have a headache from crying last night and this morning. I noticed that baby is really quiet when I cry. Maybe my cries lull baby to sleep.
Two messages have come to mind:
Motherhood is a privilege that allows us to witness miracles everyday.
Motherhood is more than a feeling, more than a sense of being, it's a belief that there's hope for our future.
