life
Friday, August 19, 2011
Somebody is smacking
Thought I would have time to write, but I'm here sitting in my underwear with towels on my boobs, hoping that nursing will be less painful than it as been. If I could lounge around topless all day, I would, because anything touching my nipples kills! Brian is preemptively changing his diaper right now. I have yet to change a diaper. I am in pretty unspeakable pain, beyond my body's comprehension.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Labor
As of 11:35am, I am officially in labor, says dr.K. We checked in at CPMC at 7:20am, after a little procrastination at home. I got a watermelon stain on the white shirt I've been living in, since I've been home. Didn't know if that was a sign or not. And then when we were in the car and janet's "let's wait awhile" was on the radio...again, was this a sign? But then I started to have a flurry of contractions between 6:45-7:15am. I had a really long one waiting in triage and felt the need to have baby on monitor to ensure that he or she is tolerating the contractions well.
So they started the pitocin at 9:43am and my body has been responding to it pretty well. I haven't done much, except pee twice, finish my mango, check out my registry, review baby names, email, and get my teeth glossed. The contractions are definitely more frequent and stronger. There's certainly this dull ache in my back, and the persistent urge to poo. I have no desire to be a hero, so I need to make sure I give myself a good 30-45 min window for the epidural process. I'm now 6-7 cm dilated and dr. K is coming back in a hour. I hope brian finishes the book before labor gets really exciting. I told him that he can't hold baby until he finishes the book.... Hope baby gets his/her literary discipline from me.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
birthday eve?
I just ordered the "miracle blanket" from target, yet another swaddling apparatus to add to my collection, I gorged on gelato tonight after dinner at oysteria, my fingernails have been trimmed, my disaster of a haircut has been done, the nanny book has been read, the bags are in the car, and the alarm is set for 5:30am. so after today's appt, I'm 5-6 cm dilated. i wish the decision to induce or not would be more obvious to me. i am still struggling with the pros and cons of letting nature take its course, or continuing to manage this pregnancy with human and medical interference. in many ways, the only natural aspect of this pregnancy has been conception, and even that was "controlled" and not so spontaneous. i've had progesterone shots, taken meds to control my contractions, so why not the pitocin? i eliminate the stress and the anxiety of not knowing when i could potentially go into labor and getting to the hospital. but is our convenience worth messing with nature? nature screwed me last year, so why shouldn't i take matters into my own hands? in many ways, i can imagine being more relieved knowing that baby is now a shared responsibility with brian. there are moments when i lose confidence in myself and just want that affirmation that baby is ok and doing well, outside of my womb, since we still have little information on what's happening inside my body. this fear of the unknown can't be good for me or baby.
so we're at a crossroads. I'm in musubi's room hoping for a sign. we will need to call CPMC at 6am to see if they have room for us at 7am in the morning.
so this is it.
my last post before life as i know it changes forever. tomorrow seems like a lifetime away. i guess i've become a master of "living in the moment." I suppose that's all we can do, and hope and pray for the best.
i can't wait to meet you baby. your 28 week ultrasound is still at my bedside and we thank musubi every night for taking such good care of us. I hope my body doesn't fail me, I hope tomorrow is one of the greatest days of my life. I hope, I hope, I HOPE!
Monday, August 15, 2011
homebody
well it's been a little over 2 weeks since we've been home. i finished my last pill on sunday the 7th, 445 pills later. we celebrated by going to station 1 in woodside on sunday . i barely made it through dinner, as my back was killing me. i basically have little to no back support having been so sedentary for so long. that weekend was the beginning of new "active" lifestyle. my first non-doc excursion was on the 5th, when i met up with J&O to get the talons on my feet taken care of at Sense spa. the pedicure was great, although i had a difficult time getting comfortable, being in an upright position for so long. i'm surprised that my kardashian worthy ass doesn't provide enough cushion for my tailbone. i was 3-4 cm dilated in my appt last monday and i believe there's a good chance that exciting things will happen this week. doc K says that if I'm 5-6 cm dilated in my appt tomorrow that he'll just admit me into CPMC to get this party started. it's still all a little surreal for me, but i suppose i'm ready to move on to the next exciting chapter.
nesting
i've been frantically trying to get the nursery ready and the house organized prior to the baby's arrival. the shelf has been installed, t&n came over yesterday to help with the decals which look amazing, and the costco person is coming over tomorrow to go over window covering options. the contractor has been picked for the bathroom, and the paint colors and fixtures have been selected. i wish it could be done this week, but it looks like the work can't begin until this coming weekend. the car has been selected and the deposit has been made so we should have another large payment waiting in the wings for us soon... and after almost 4 years, the garage is almost a 2 car garage, which is very exciting, for me at least.
I've re-read the sections in the american pediatrics books on newborn care through 3 months, and have plowed through the literature given to me by helene at CPMC on labor and delivery. i am super knowledgeable about pregnancy, and am rather surprised at how little I've prepared myself for the actual labor and delivery. I've spent 99% of this pregnancy focusing on staying pregnant and my mind hasn't quite transitioned over yet. My ignorant, and almost cavalier attitude about it is definitely causing my mom a lot of distress. I figured that i take direction pretty well, and that I'll just do as they tell me to do at this hospital...no need for me to be aware of or anticipate all the possible complications that could possibly happen. even though we are full term, i still feel like i'm holding my breath until i can hold baby in my arms. b's parents have already created their grandparent's announcement...and have repeatedly told us to call as soon as anything happens. our plan it to not let anyone know of the birth, until after brian and i get to have our moment, however long that may be with our baby. after everything we've been through, it's all that we want--a private celebration with our little family, before the impending chaos. We have of course not communicated this to our parents, but i'm fully prepared to deal with the consequences of our decisions.
we set up the poll with our family on survey monkey and i'm curious to see who will win. i'm guessing me, but i'm not eligible to win.
man, my tailbone aches.
Monday, August 01, 2011
Nesting
It's day 4 at home and it's been a pretty easy transition. It's a little nerve wracking going up and down the stairs, even if it is only once a day. That increased level of activity, and the fact that my bathroom is more than 6 steps away has left me more cautious. I've only taken 1 shower so far and I walk around holding my belly when I can. Dad drove up on Friday and belin dropped my mom off on Friday. They were pretty helpful, cooking at least a week's worth of food, lining musubi's dresser, picking up paint swatches and helping me sort through clutter stored in the other upstair's bathroom. Brian's been super helpful, putting stuff away, assembling the crib, doing loads of laundry, etc. It was pretty emotional moving musubi's things and organizing his room.
It's very different being at home. I feel much more vulnerable in many ways, since I'm really home alone and still on strict bed rest. I can't push a button to have a nurse help me with whatever and I pay less attention to my contractions, since I'm not on monitor. I thought I would be more diligent about it, but it's not very easy to keep track of them and with baby getting bigger, getting harder to feel the difference between baby's movement and contractions. Instead, I spend an inordinate amount of time on diapers.com and shopping online. The amount of time I've spent searching for the perfect nursing cami is unthinkable.
I didn't do my monday weigh in, so I'll do it tomorrow morning. Tomorrow we're going in to see dr. K and have our NST testing and ultrasound done. I wonder what will happen. I asked brian to help shave my legs tonight so that I don't show up for my appt looking like Tarzan. Tomorrow we'll be 36 weeks!
